in shambles
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Monday, October 10, 2005
there is a mask i wear that makes me fake,
and also makes the biggest mistakes
but still i wear it so i can't show
all my faults i didn't want you to know.
i'm afriad of what you might see
because what you think means alot to me.
I care too much to let me show
i don't think you would ever ever let it go.
all i wanted was to be accepted
among my peers and not rejected
and to know you were here for me
wether or not i looked like me.
but time has past and still im here
stuck within all of my fears
and now im tired of "fitting" in
cause its not me, its all pretend.
if i take my mask off will you promise me you wont run off?
will you stay quick to forgive and try to realize what i did.?
so now its off and here i am holding it still, in my hand
just incase others show up,
i have to hide and cover up,
you see they might not all understand
why God made me so genuine.
and why do i still need to hide?
its just so all the others will still be kind..
Friday, December 17, 2004
your fake heart break...
how dare you cut me out
don't you shut me up, i will just white you out
your fake heart break
it doesn't get you down,
doesn't seem to keep you from any steady ground
i would take your lies and i would turn them around
let me white you out. so i can move on now
drain me from my misery, let me keep what i need
talk to her instead of me, I don't need your pitty
I'll say what i know is true, i don't need any love from you
Your fake heart break
it doesn't seem to get you down,
doesn't seem to keep you from any steady ground
i would take youre lies and turn them around,
let me white you out, so i can move on now.
your not dying, your just lying
and playing her for the fool she is,
when it ends my dear friend,
you'll figure out whos who.
i'm not about to blame myself
for the way i hated you
you brought it all on yourself
and you knew it all too
Your fake heart break
it doesn't seem to get you down,
doesn't seem to keep you from any steady ground
i would take youre lies and turn them around,
let me white you out, so i can move on now
your fake heart break...
how dare you cut me out
don't you shut me up, i will just white you out
Saturday, November 6, 2004
11:17AM
slowly dying, hold me kindly. let me know your there
hardly breathing, gave up seeking, what i coudn't bare
darkness has fallen, nail up my coffin. inside is dead anyways
Hold my tightly, Miss me highly. let them grow aware.
all my thoughts wrote down last night, made this sickness spread
now im dead and those words you said are with you everywhere
its not done.. so dont hate
Friday, October 29, 2004
Just say it! Just finish it off!
its all yours for the taking.
With what was my all has turned into a brawl
and i can't give up, .....You can't make me!!
the light reflects off those words you said
then slices like a blade...
do you see whats been done in me. You did it! its your fault for faking.
That of which is torn in two and cut with your sharp lies
the hurt inside the pain exceeding do you know otherwise?!?!
I grow weary with all the wait, but then I remember your here to hate
you break me down, you make me weak. i lost it all in defeat and then you tell me its all over, so I give up, i've been discovered.
but all the pain you put me in has turned this into color
your love bestowed Killed me so, now try calling me your lover
Waves of relief seem far away.
When im dismounted and led astray.
When I cry I slowly die
and every tear turns gray.
Your lack of love was thrown on me.
like a robber in the night
he tied me down and took my gown and gave me such a fright
Do you see what you've done to me?
Oh? can you bare some more?
Do you need a remedy?
So they won't call you a whore?
Feel me sinking?
Are you thinking that you made a mistake?
I hope your used then abused.
So you won't beable to fake.
All the sorrow burst up on you.
Take it as your own.
My shoulders are lifted.
Don't try to resist it.
You'll wish you were never born.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
trying to find my way through the dark
and yet im off to a terrible start,
but If you mind, I will let go.
other wise I need you to know
You bring me light, you show up whole
you are what i've been hoping for
If I think what I know is true
I never want to stop loving you
and If you leave I know I'll break
its you, your heart i knows not fake
I know that you belong in my life
you make it worth while, you are my suffice
God marked you, from the day you were born
he had you down for an army and more
he brought you joy and into my life,
he gave it meaning, he gave it heighth.
God has blessed me, he let me know
You are the one, I was hoping for.
I caught those words that fell from your lips,
I felt those feelings and tried to resist,
gone all hope, gone all cheer, gone the everything i held so dear
Your last breath might be my first,
when i am healed, you will feel hurt
this might be the last you break
and your last time you will mistake
my heart is no longer yours anymore
im no longer part of your fake world
everything you took for granted
means so much more now, than when you had it
Now i'm real, im the way I want
how can I feel what you had forgot
When I love, it will be true
cause now I know, im over you.
Wednesday, October 6, 2004
“I hurt myself again last night”
I said into your eyes of fright
"I took the knife and held it high
Then brought it down and hoped to die"
I cut my wrists, my legs, and arms
Itself is what my body harms
Pains odd warning it’s not heading
My heart is deathly cold and bleeding
Like a record groove my knife retraces
Looking past your many faces
And your hollow bitter heart
Want to cry? I’ll help you start
You grasp me in your thin embrace
As tears are streaming down your face
And tightly hold me to your chest
So my hurting heart can stop to rest
Death to you, Death to me
Each others eyes is all we see
As you hold my hand of ice
“Will you stop?” “I will suffice”
As time ticks slowly by
I lie down and want to die
For I know of this tomorrow
All the pain, and all the sorrow
For we fought yet again
I fear I’ve lost my dearest friend
Pushing her so very fast
I ignored our broken past
The nights we talked deep into
Eachother’s pain we always knew
The stories we would tell
Listen to the other’s hell
But now I fear you’ve left me here
Gone the hope, gone the cheer
This is the forever end
Goodbye for now, my dearest friend
You said you would be there for me
Through the land, the air, and sea
But you see the tears about my skin
And hear of all the pain from within
You alone know what I think
And you know why I drink
You know of what he did
And where my blades are hid
But when I said I cut today
You just turned and walked away
You said you’d be my friend forever long
But you’ll see your deathly wrong
Every single time you breathe
I look at my wrist and wish you’d leave
Because the scars are on my arm
The scars you said would cause no harm
Friend or Foe? Heaven or Hell?
I do not know, I cannot tell
How can you say you are my friend?
When you let me cut again
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